You Fall Into It
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Before getting home from Pierce's mansion, Jeff gets some extra inspiration and confidence when Annie shares some things about her fears, past, parent issues and outlook on life while driving him home. Spoilers for ep 402.


**Spoilers for episode 402**

Although Jeff wasn't willing to go to Vicki's party anymore, he still needed Annie to give him a ride home. He still wasn't willing to think about why he chose to ride with Annie tonight instead of taking the Lexus, though. Not wanting to be seen in an actual costume in his own car was a handy excuse for himself, but it couldn't last much longer.

He already had a bunch of things he was struggling to face right now anyway.

Despite his claim of having "unfinished business at home" Jeff knew he would chicken out if he kept thinking about it. He needed a distraction to get through this ride home, before he most likely chickened out back home. Ironically, he'd need Annie to distract him from uncomfortable thoughts instead of causing them.

The two stayed quiet in Annie's car, yet Jeff's brain was on overdrive trying to think of a distracting topic. Of course, talking to Annie without any dangerous undercurrents was always difficult. But eventually, Jeff recalled an interesting and unemotional detail he could point out.

"So you don't watch scary movies, huh?" Jeff remembered. "I guess your little scary story last year was even more out of character than I thought."

Annie took a second before she remembered what Jeff was talking about. Funny how she told that story, yet Jeff remembered it faster. Or so Jeff told himself not to notice.

"I like _some _scary stuff, Jeff. Just in book form, not movie form. Or fake haunted mansion form," Annie confessed.

"Just because you can't see blood and guts in a story doesn't mean they're not there. One more point against books," Jeff teased.

"Let's just pretend you stopped with your first point. That's my Halloween gift to you," book lover Annie warned.

"Not the gift I expected from you tonight, but I'll take it," Jeff said, realizing too late that hinting at the 'ring girl' misunderstanding might not help. Yet Annie seemed to brush that aside too.

"At least with books I can use my imagination. And there's a lot more layers and deeper meanings in scary books than your precious scary movies. I'm just glad I didn't think you wanted me to use a saw. Or knives for fingers or a machete," Annie was relieved.

"Hey, those guys have deeper meanings too. They even include boobs, before they get chopped off," Jeff undercut himself.

"I don't need to watch or read about chopped up boobs, Jeff. That wouldn't have helped me back then," Annie cryptically added.

"Back then?" Jeff caught. "How back then are we talking?"

Annie kept her eyes on the road instead of answering. This helped Jeff remember he was getting away from the point of all this. It was to forget about deeper issues, if only for a few final minutes. Even if Annie was the one having them, it was still barely worth it.

And yet Annie broke that long silence by going into them anyway.

"My life was scary enough when I was a teenager, Jeff. My parents were set to break up, I got my first taste of unpopularity in middle school, and my panic attacks about grades were well under way. I know reading scary stories to get away from it all sounds silly. But at least I could be scared about _that_ stuff instead of real stuff, if only for a little while," Annie recounted.

Jeff was no stranger to coping mechanisms, although this one still seemed a little weird. Annie continued to explain, "And those books really were good, Jeff. They weren't just about blood and guts. They found something beautiful and uplifting in scary things. And they showed me it wasn't impossible to find that too. Not that I succeeded at first, but thinking I could was nice."

"And the blood and guts?" Jeff found himself contributing.

"My imagination made things less explicit when it had to. TV and movies don't give you that option," Annie said. "Neither do fighting parents and controlling mothers."

Annie could have all too easily brought up the Hawthornes and their parent issues with that setup, yet she didn't. Either she had far more restraint and consideration than Britta, or she was softening Jeff up to make him get emotional first. That was more of Annie's style.

Yet Annie didn't see Jeff and Britta's spats tonight. And Britta was too attached to Troy afterwards to tell Annie about it. Of course, Annie could have assumed that Pierce's problems were noticeable to Jeff on her own. Anyone could, really.

With that, Jeff tried to beat Annie to the punch, just in case. "Well, your own personal horror story is over anyway. You cut your parents out, you're all the better for it, and there's no need to give those idiots a second thought ever again. Lesson learned."

But Jeff hadn't learned his lesson about how _not_ to give people wiggle room. He only hoped that Annie kept thinking about her own past, and not make any parallels with his own.

"Technically, they cut me out first. And it wasn't 'all the better' at the time. It was scarier than any book or movie I'll ever see," Annie corrected. now Jeff felt like a total ass, or at least his stupid brain did.

Yet Annie actually chuckled, throwing Jeff off even further. "I can't watch scary movies, but I _could_ stand up to my scary mother right after a pill breakdown. How can one person be like that?" she rhetorically wondered.

"Maybe standing up to big things gives you an out to be scared of little things?" Jeff proposed with nothing better to say.

"But it was such a big thing," Annie reflected. "No matter how much I channeled my fears through other things, I was always more afraid of her. And failing, and bullies, and everything. There's no way I should have had any courage at all after my overdose! I probably only had it because…." she trailed off.

Jeff hesitated to give her more inspiration to finish. He didn't need to hear this stuff, and it'd be dangerous to have her break down while driving.

But just as the new Jeff part of his brain shamed him for thinking this way, Annie finished anyway. "I realized the thing I was most afraid of was being her."

Jeff really hated his new Jeff brain at that moment. If he had let him change the subject, he wouldn't have had to hear that all too familiar problem. But it looked like there was no turning back now.

Not with Annie this sad and in need, anyway.

"Okay, I'll bite," Jeff inwardly cringed. "How was that the scariest thing?"

"Well, she gave up on love and being a good mom," Annie started. "She stopped believing in people, having fun and caring about what other people want. She sure made that clear when she tried to rush me out of the hospital. Then I guess I just….had enough."

"And now here you are, as none of those things," Jeff went for some quick closure.

"But I could have been. I should have been, really," Annie said. "I shouldn't have still believed in that stuff, after what I'd been through. But I realized it couldn't be any worse than being like her. Not after how she made me afraid for years. So I just decided to stop. I took her on right then and there, and I lost in the short term. But I gained so much after that."

"You sure did," Jeff couldn't help but agree.

"That's why I feel so bad for Pierce and Gilbert. They never got to stand up to their dad like that when he was alive," Annie recalled. "Sure, they did it to a fake dad in a video game, but that's not the same. I know it wouldn't have been the same for me."

"So that's one more reason I shouldn't have killed him then," Jeff said in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

"Maybe," Annie agreed without really pushing it. "But that's the thing. If I didn't face my fears then, I'd never be someone who felt for Pierce now. It is a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's worth it. I like wanting to help people in need, even people like him, and I like that I'm capable of trying. That's when I _really _like not being haunted by her anymore, because I already beat her."

Annie could have easily said this as a way to guilt Jeff into facing his fears. The door was wide open for her to do all that and more. And yet Jeff didn't sense that Annie was thinking about him at all.

Instead, she looked like she was lost in her own little world. Jeff knew how she looked when that happened all too well.

She wasn't using tricks to make him talk or share. She was just being herself and showing what made her, well, herself. And this whole story was about what made herself become so….appealing, for lack of a safer word.

Inspiring was a less safe word that flashed through Jeff's brain for a bit.

"But that still doesn't completely go away, though," Jeff got even less safe.

"No, it doesn't," Annie agreed. "But if I beat her at the weakest point in my life, I could do it again now if I had to. That much I do know."

"But the stuff she represents. It still has to be tempting, right?" Jeff really let get away from him.

"Of course. Being the way I am now can still hurt a lot. It _has_ hurt a lot," Annie shared. "But I got a real family and a real purpose to my life because of who I am now. I've had a lot of setbacks being this way, but it's worked _a lot_ more than it hasn't. And I'd rather go with what works, rather than what I _know_ doesn't work."

"Even if it's scary?" Jeff asked, too far gone now. "Even if you do things you always thought were stupid? Or lame, pointless, way too hard or….well, scary?" he capped off with nothing better.

"Even then. I mean, if doing them gets you something you really want. Or makes you someone you really want to be. I wanted to be better more than I wanted to be afraid of her, or being like her. So I did it, even if I stumbled at first. But I'm still doing it, and look where I am now," Annie stated.

Look where she was now indeed.

And look where Jeff was now because of his baby steps – and look where he could be with a few more. At least that might have been Annie's message.

Jeff couldn't imagine that Annie didn't know how this hit home with him. She didn't know sports, but she knew Jeff – more than Jeff wanted to admit. She had to know what her whole story would make Jeff think about. And yet she wasn't saying it out loud.

If she was trying to make Jeff face things on purpose, she wasn't doing it like a Britta in a china shop. She wasn't bullying him into doing it – she never had, really. All she did was tell a story, open up about herself, and do it so incredibly that it made him feel more open as well.

And if she wasn't reaching him on purpose, it made her all the scarier for doing it without trying. As well as all the more extraordinary.

Jeff hated to admit it and never would out loud, even if it threatened his hair. But Britta's pushy, clueless, annoying tactics were helpful – in some _rare _circumstances. Like tonight. And yet it was Annie's gentler approach, her selfless compassion – and her _actual _understanding of what Jeff _might _be going through– that made him go further.

It was the story of his Greendale life. Britta opened the door for him to examine himself, in spite of herself and then some. But it was Annie who finished the job without even trying, or at least not trying _that _hard.

All she did for him was be herself – which was a better, braver, stronger, more considerate and only slightly less sexy Jeff Winger.

Even when she was stupid and should know better sometimes, it was by choice. By the right choice, if Jeff was totally honest. But someone else deserved that honesty more.

"I'm sorry I ever called you naïve," Jeff spoke up after Annie finally parked in front of his apartment. It really was a longer drive than usual, but maybe there was no harm done.

"Oh. Well, I'll probably call you selfish and gross in a fight someday, even when you're really not anymore. So we're even," Annie figured, more accurately than she knew.

"No, I mean I'm sorry I _ever _called you naïve," Jeff clarified.

Despite saying so much earlier, Annie finally looked speechless now. Jeff knew it might be best to leave with that, yet things still felt unbalanced somehow. Like more needed to be said so she'd understand he really meant it.

It was an unfamiliar feeling, yet those feelings were more and more familiar lately. Or perhaps harder to hide around her than usual.

"I really did want to go to the party with you," Jeff got brave enough to admit. "I mean, this is the first time you've ever seen me really dress up before. There must be a reason for that, right?" Something in the very back of Jeff's mind said there were two reasons. But that was still easy to ignore. Kind of.

"You can still come with me, you know," Annie offered, a bit shyly but still steady. "We can probably get there before Magnitude takes all the dry ice."

"Tempting, but it's still a pass," Jeff said, then realized he'd have to expand. "I wouldn't be at my best over there. And I shouldn't do these things with you as anything less than that. I don't want to, anyway."

Jeff thought he saved himself well enough at first, but he thought different after that last statement. Yet before he could doubt what he should or shouldn't have said, Annie's smile slowly grew enough to make him forget it.

Even in that makeup and outfit, it was that powerful. It was just a good thing she didn't twirl her fake hair again too. What was it with Annie and hair, anyway?

"Well, maybe we'll pair up together and stay paired on our next big trip," Annie offered.

"That might not be so bad," Jeff said thoughtlessly, but he didn't really mind it.

"Maybe not," Annie echoed. She then started to look shy, as if lost in thought once more.

But Jeff saw her put on that brave face of hers and go for it. In this case, it being a kiss on Jeff's cheek.

She immediately looked startled that she did it, yet seemed to will herself not to look away. Once again, she was being brave because something she wanted – or someone – was worth it to her.

It was about time that Jeff was the one to reward that faith.

He didn't reward it by kissing her, but by giving her a soft smile to show her it was okay. Yet when she smiled back, it was that much more tempting to kiss her. However, Jeff sensed he'd reached his limit of bravery for the night – with Annie and maybe with other things. But he knew he couldn't pat her head or run away to get out of it this time.

So he did the next best thing by lightly tapping her arm to break the mood. Fortunately, he had an excuse ready. "There, now we're even for the ab slap," Jeff covered.

"Oh. Well, it's not like you hate it when they get attention," Annie managed to tease back.

"Don't get me wrong, they can handle _that_ kind of attention," Jeff started to brag, although this was treading towards dangerous territory again. Perhaps.

"Sure, sure. Go on, get out of here and keep them safe," Annie asked playfully. Hopefully that was all it was, yet Jeff got out of the car regardless. "I'll send you pictures from the party and rub in what you're missing, okay?"

Now that Annie could certainly do.

Jeff brought himself to just say goodnight and wave after Annie drove away. He then brought himself to return to his apartment with a somewhat clear head. When it became less clear after looking inside his boxing gloves, he brought himself to make the hardest phone call of his life.

Yet thinking about someone else helped him bring himself to stay on the line.

After that, thinking about that same someone helped keep him from smashing his phone when the call was over.

When she sent him her party photos later that night as promised, it was indeed worth it. At least one thing tonight was worth it.

Maybe other things down the line would make the aftermath worth it too.


End file.
